This is the third edition of Marriage Monthly. We started this series back in January because I really felt led to share more about marriage. When we decided to do this series, I brainstormed a list of things I wanted to share, but none of them felt RIGHT yet for March. So I waited and then this week, inspiration hit! So today, I am sharing something that is very true for our marriage and might just help you too!
Silence of the Spouses.
I have noticed a trend lately. Let me start by saying that after spending over 20 years together, Travis and I have learned how to avoid conflict for the most part. While there are some issues we don’t always see eye to eye on, we have learned to give each other grace. Most days are good days in our marriage. Most days we work as a team. Most days we are happy and able to communicate clearly without letting emotions take over.
I say most days, because even though we are all those things, the ugly creeps into our lives like it does any one else. And last week, it happened to us. I don’t even really remember what the argument was. I remember that it started innocently at midnight. And it escalated quickly into a blame game. And suddenly something so small spilled so many hurt words and memories onto the table that we woke up the next day with a STING. And while during the fight, we both held our ground firmly, the next day the entire world just felt off. I remember thinking, can we just forget all that mess last night and go back to normal? And eventually we did. But what I learned from that fight is that one of the most common pieces of marriage advice is totally WRONG!
Have you ever heard people say “Don’t go to bed angry??” It was advice we have been given many times from older wiser couples, marriage books and sermons. But what i have learned is that doesn’t apply always. I can tell you that our fight escalated because we were exhausted. We were already at that point and something small sparked a flame and the next thing we knew, we were burning each other down. If we had chose to just sleep on it, chances are we would have never have said most of the things we did. Because truthfully a lot of the “past issues” we brought up had already been dealt with and forgiven. But because we let our emotions and exhaustion lead, we ended up in a bad spot.
Moving forward we have decided when an issue pops up, the first thing we are going to do is stop. Take notice of the time, how we feel, and if needed just pause the conversation until the next day. Because rarely are any problems solved in the middle of the night.
Today, I give you permission to go to bed angry. To sleep on it. To see if a little rest changes your view. Because chances are, it will.
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